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Persuasion. Manipulation.

Getting other people to say yes!

Helping others.

Call it what you will…

Persuading others is a key skill to succeeding in life.

There are countless methods and ways we are all influenceable.

However not all methods are universal.

Yet there are six are.

Six tactics that act as universal “shortcuts” and can be used to influence your choices and make you and me more malleable to being persuaded to yes.

Watch the above video to learn more as Robert Cialdini & Steve Martin cover all six universal shortcuts of persuasion.

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NLP Goal Realisiation Process

Today’s world is one where speed is often the driving factor of the day. Yet running faster doesn’t necessarily get you to your goal quicker, often too much speed makes achieving the goal harder (because you end up doing the wrong things). Taking time for a “stopping point”, where you deliberately step off the life habits treadmill often pays huge rewards.

Here is are some great questions to ask yourself regularly:

What do you really want from your life and work?

Not what you’d like but what you really want

Write it down.

Going four hours beyond 20 years from now, what would have to be true in order for that life situation to work out exactly as you’ve imagined it?

Write down the key points paying particular attention to the people, places and activities that have occurred to make those outcomes happen.

Take all the time you need for you vividly imagine experiencing that very satisfying life situation. Bring up multiple perfect experiences in your mind. Keep captures ideas and insights onto a pad.

Once you can feel it viscerally in your body, with a sense of certainty and vividness and that these things have occurred, place your awareness back here in the now and ask yourself:

  • What kind of personal attributes did I display that lead to those goals being achieved?
  • What specific actions did I take to make that life happen?
  • What kind of behaviors did I demonstrate that in addition to what I am already doing now?
  • What kind of relationships did I cultivate that made those goals happen?

Then ask yourself:

What’s the very next step to making this happen now?

Then go about making that first action happen.

Repeat the process on daily basis for a week and you will develop greater clarity and sense of certainty about making that satisfying life happen and save yourself alot of time and money thinking that the answers to the really important stuff for your life, lie outside of you.

Got a question, feedback or comment? I’d love to hear your feedback – click the box below.

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NLP is a brilliant technology for creating personal change. Since its creation in the 1970s there has been no shortage of NLP self-help books.

Popular and recommended ones include Tony Robbins “Unlimited Power”, “Awaken The Giant Within” and Dr. Bandler’s recent book “Get the life you want”. All of these are good and many others also. But not everyone gets “top” results from every NLP book. So it’s a fair question to ask: Does doing NLP by yourself, from a book actually work?

The answer is yes, but it depends on 4 key things:

1. How well the author setup and articulated the procedure to be followed?

If the author did a poor job of articulating the procedure to be followed then it will be more challenging to follow. Not all authors do this well. Not every author is going to be your “cup of tea”.

2. Who is doing the “following”? (Their attitude to learning)

Who is doing the following is key. NLP is very much about the study of subjective experience. That’s a fancy way of saying how you use your mind and body to create specific results varies from person to person. No two people are exactly alike. If you are the kind of person who has a lot of internal dialogue and you always have to UNDERSTAND something before you are willing to even try something … then you are likely going to have problems using techniques from a book…

Why? Because you will be trying to make what you read “fit” into your understanding of the world and less likely to just DO what the author instructs. Some aspects of NLP, to someone who is very mind and logic driven, may not make much sense, at first. The idea for starters that changing how you use pictures, sounds, feelings etc can have and does have a profound impact can be a bit hard to believe, again at first. We’ve all been indoctrinated into this idea that change is a slow process and can only happen after you figure out the source of the issue … the why so to speak. And that is just not true.

Also if the person who is trying to apply the instructions is narrating on in their head with stuff like “is this working?”, “I don’t feel anything different” etc. then what they are doing will be interrupting the very process they are trying to effect.

Think about it, a technique is like a recipe. If you are cooking a meal and, while following the instructions you start adding in other ingredients that are counter productive to the taste, or decide to ignore other ingredients because you don’t see the point or don’t like it, then the meal you are trying to create isn’t going to come out the same as the chef intended. In fact you may have unintentionally screwed the whole thing up all together. Obvious, but people make this mistake all the time.

3. How well you can follow instructions?

How well you can follow instructions is of critical importance. Part of how the processes of NLP work is that they are designed to move a person through an experience – a new or different way of thinking/seeing/feeling etc about a particular situation or problem. Therefore the order of the sequence (i.e. make a picture first, then hear yourself say x, etc) and qualitative aspects (make the picture big, bright, make the audio sound low, muffled, far away etc) have a key role to producing specific effects.

If you don’t follow the instructions properly then you aren’t going to be able to get the same results.

4. The technique used & outcome being working on…

Finally, the type of technique or process the author is looking to instruct you through and the outcome you are using it on, also has a big role to play. Some techniques are designed for example to help you overcome trauma, get over a bad childhood etc. And they work really well. However if the experience you are trying to change is still very raw to you and you are trying to use a technique in a book by yourself, with no outside guidance, then your milage with this will vary.

Why? because if you are in the throws of tears at even the thought of X event, then trying to get yourself to follow a set of instructions from a book without first establishing a resource state (example feeling OK) etc is going to be difficult to do.

Also if you select the wrong technique to use on a particular outcome you aren’t going to get the result you want. So some knowledge about what technique to use (and combinations of them) is required.

Helpful Tips:

So here are some tips on how to use the techniques of NLP from a book on yourself.

Tip #1: Go with the author’s instructions

As much as possible follow exactly as the author instructs and in the order he or she specifies.

Tip #2: Quieten all unnecessary internal dialogue

This means if you are in the habit of self-talking your way through a technique – zip it – doing an NLP technique on yourself is not an intellectual – ‘what would Socrates think’ kind of moment. After you have done the technique properly, and gotten a result, then if you still want you can go self-reflective on it. But it isn’t required.

Tip #3 Cut your cloth to measure

If you are just starting out using NLP with yourself then pick minor incidences and issues or behaviours you want to change. Don’t go and pick the most traumatic event of your life as goal number 1. Once you have gotten used to getting results and following the instructions then you can move onward to “bigger” stuff you’d like to change. And choose the right “tool” for the job. Many changes require a certain amount of conditioning so make sure you continue to repeat the process until it sticks.

Tip #4 A book doesn’t replace a skilled practitioner

Some stuff like uncontrollable nightmares, rape and self-harming behaviours etc are not the kind of thing I’d recommend you pick up an NLP book for. Go find someone who is properly trained in NLP or a qualified therapist and have them assist you in make the desired changes.

If you would like to learn more about how to use NLP with yourself then check out “Using NLP to create more of the life you want”… here.

Got a question or comment? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Comment box below.

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Getting good at anything, is for the most part relatively easy, once you know what to do and you do it!

Sequence is everything. You can do the right thing at the wrong time and fall flat on your face, you can do the “wrong thing” at the right time and it works magically. And of course there are many variations in between, but only a few lead to high performing success.

So in this video I’ve outlined a powerful “meta strategy” for getting good at anything. Success as we say in NLP leaves clues and I’ve noticed that the following pattern is typically present in every top performer I’ve studied, in one way or another. Whether you are learning NLP or ballroom dancing, or everything in between, if you put into practice the simple strategy outlined here, you will see dramatic improvement in your results.

Got a question or comment? Leave your thoughts below. If you want to see more NLP videos, check out and subscribe to our YouTube channel here.

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A quick quiz for you ..

How many of the ten statements below are true?

The unconscious mind is real

The purpose of the Meta Model is to elicit deep structure and drill down to get to answers

* The unconscious mind is real
* The purpose of the Meta Model is to elicit deep structure and drill down to get to answers
* Anchoring is really just stimulus response conditioning
* Strategies are real and are how people process experiences and act in the world
* Meta States are real
* Modelling is all about replicating human behaviour
* With NLP, you can fix anyone once you know the right technique to use
* Human beings have many parts to them .. that is why they have conflicts
* The field of NLP hasn’t changed much in the past 30 years
* NLP is a science

Ten, nine, seven? What did you guess?

Actually the answer is 0.

That’s right zero.

You see all of the above are long standing myths or errors in their presentation but that sound real. In fact most people still teach them as real.

These and many others, are the kind of myths that cause no end of confusion around getting really good with NLP. They did for me. In fact, possibly like you, I’ve consumed tens of thousands of pages from many NLP authors that said as such.

And what do you think happens when you treat something as REAL?

Well for most of us … it usually means we CAN’T see it another way. Our mental filters become fixed, stuck and unless something comes along and jars it you are not likely to ever notice it as any different. And something worse happens .. you also adopt the limitations of that worldview. And you also, as so many others have done, install in others the same limitation!

So for example by thinking that you only use the Meta Model to drill down to get more sensory specific answers you don’t realise that you can use it as an elegant tool for persuasion and installation…

When you adopt the worldview, you take both sides of it .. the limitations and the benefits. And sometimes the limitations can keep you stuck or be less effective with it than you might otherwise be.

I know that some members reading this might think that this is heresy.

But before anyone starts flaming, stop and think about what Richard Bandler once shared with me…

He said:

“Be distrustful of feeling right if you can’t alter something quickly and easily … [The most important distinction for NLPers to get about NLP] is to shut up the f*** up inside their head. That thinking about skills that you’re supposed to perceive is a BIG mistake.”

Clearing Up Any Confusion:

Now so we are clear, let me review some of the statements I made earlier so you get where I am coming from…

If the unconscious is “real” then where is it? No one has ever empirically proved there is anything called an unconscious. Yet we accept is as “real”. The terms conscious, unconscious and sub-conscious are mental constructs we use to talk about processes that we believe are occurring. And they can be handy metaphors but aren’t literally true, to the best of any persons knowledge.

Anchoring is not stimulus response conditioning because it doesn’t take into account one time learning experiences, of which a functional anchor is an example.

Strategies are a model, a description we (NLPers) use to describe processes that we note to be occurring in others. It doesn’t reflect everything that is going on inside of someone when they are .. making a decision, buying, feeling attracted etc .. but it is a very powerful tool we have for doing all kinds of effective work.Yet if you think that “strategies” are inside of people you can quickly start over-focusing on eliciting the strategy and not seeing the human being in front of you!

Meta States – this will be a hot potato I suspect, but these aren’t real either. Why? Well think about it, a meta state is a linguistic description about a neurological process. The term itself is a consequence of trying to language a neurological process. The body is a whole and integrated system. If I am sad, and you ask me, “how do you feel about being sad?” .. there are lots of things involved .. it presupposes that I have a feeling about my first feeling “sad” and so sends my attention inwards to do a TDS and to now label a new feeling to my first experience. Bingo, if I follow along I now have a new linguistic description to describe my experience. I might say, “well I feel annoyed about being sad” and a ‘meta state’ has been formed .. or has it?

One can repeat this process several times and come up with a chain of meta questions “how do you feel about being X, about feeling Y, about feeling Z?” and very quickly you have created a whole linguistic world … and specific feelings that come with that line of meta-thinking, but ultimately in the body it is experienced as ONE state.

Personally for me I don’t mind what “new inventions” or ideas anyone comes up with but it is important that we keep a perspective, and that our meanings about ‘what is what’ and ‘what is stuff we make up’ remain clear so we don’t trip ourselves into distorted worldviews that have little to do with what is going on ‘out there’. If we don’t regularly test our thinking (and the Meta Model is a great tool for that), we risk getting caught inside our own or someone else’s mentally invented worldviews … and suffer the consequences .. and rewards (assumedly the new models were found by some to be better that what they had before).

Change Your Thinking & Be A Practitioner Of The Changes

The field of NLP is constantly changing and updating but only inside the minds and community of those who are constantly challenging their thinking about it and testing the results they can get. There is A LOT more to the elegant use of the Meta Model for example, that masters of the field can do today, than what Richard and John wrote in the Structure of Magic. From what I can see, neither of the founders have stopped developing and refining what they are doing with their own take on the technology.

However, after spending years reading, learning, and practicing NLP, I’ve realised that in the majority we seem to be suffering over-theorisation about NLP and that is why I co-founded the Platinum Audio News Club. To try and approach learning and getting really good with the technology of NLP with minimum theory and have Master Trainer Michael Breen lead the program as someone who has been on the inside track of NLP, part of a small group of “old school” NLPers who are constantly challenging and updating their thinking about the technology for circa twenty five years.

And learning to challenge and update our skills and thinking is something we can all do more of. So I’ll leave you with a quote, from Dr. Bandler that inspires me to constantly evaluate and improve my own thinking and skills:

“I’ve learned so much so quickly because I never assume that I understand. So I always go and ask and then make sure that what they’re telling me actually

works. And that I have enough of the process that I can do it.

…. It’s like you keep finding out until you can do something. How do you know when you have enough? When you actually can do it. And then you’re sure you
have enough when you can teach somebody else to do it. And once you understand a limitation you begin to discover that it’s always a double edged
sword. It does good things but it also does bad things. So you have to separate them out
.”

If you’d like to buy the full interview I did with Doctor Bandler, including the full transcript you can get it here.

For people interested in expanding their thinking and skills with NLP, feel free to check out the Platinum Audio News Club here.

Got a question or a comment, feel free to leave your thoughts below.

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As NLPers we know that the old phrase “stick’s and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt them” is wildly inaccurate. Indeed words – can cause people to kill and we see on the news every day, words can cause people to go to war and words can certainly “hurt you” .. as I am sure you have known first hand.

Or can they? Language is a very interesting thing. Most people who don’t study linguistics and indeed NLP will spend their entire life completely unaware of how trapped and restricted words can limit us from really communicating what is going on.

Words by themselves do not hurt you, nor do they cause wars, nor do they cause people to kill.

It is important that we correctly identify (as best as possible, or at least practical) what is going on when words SEEM to cause a specific response.

For example last year, there was a report on the news of a British woman (I believe) who was facing years in prison and possibly even death for ‘letting school children in the Abu Dhabi (U.A.E) to name their teddy’s Mohammed’. To many this seemed completely natural and right, to others it seemed to be a world gone mad. But was it really than any of our own “triggered responses?”

My view on it was, it was a very good case of hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of people forgetting that a word is NOT the thing it represents. It was an example of a major semantic re-action on a mass scale, with potentially grave consequences for the teacher involved.

Semantics in linguistic terms refers to the study of meaning, and semantic reaction is the expression used to describe when someone has a strong reaction to a word. There are many everyday examples that people “react” to. For example “FREE offer”, “Huge Discount”, “Sex” “Love” and so on and so forth. These are examples of typically ‘positive’ emotional responses that the majority of people will have a response to.

Of course their are others that many people have a strong ‘negative’ reaction to, such as ‘fuck’, ‘whore’, ‘x racial slur’, “Terminal”, “Your Completely Wrong”, “Fat”, “Sex”, “Love”, etc.

Sex and Love are in both example lists as these, like every other word, could be on either side of the ‘positive’/’negative’ equation – as I have seen with clients many time.

Why us this? Because it is the perceiver’s mind-body map that activates the meaning a person feels. Some people will have no strong emotional reaction to the word whore but could feed very strongly negative about the Love. As you begin to track and test this out for yourself you can see similar examples everywhere.

One of the things that NLP (IMHO) is most about is creating freedom and giving people more choice to enhance their lives. But often times by the time you have come to learn NLP you have had years and years of unhelpful conditioning and “semantic responses” installed that many people forget and in most cases seem to be completely blind to the fact that they are ‘wired’ to respond to words that don’t serve them. Are you?

Every human being I’ve ever meet has “hot buttons” or words that they will (or can) be made to respond to. If you are like most people you have your own words that “trigger a hot response” in you, and to you, your response to those phrases when you hear them is JUST as natural and RIGHT as to the people in the middle east who took grave offense to a schoolkid naming their Teddy Mohammed.

Yet one of the most FREEING things you can do and experience is when you truly get that NO word can have any ‘negative’ power over you (if you so want it), and you realise that the words you hear are NOT the things they represent.

When I help assist someone who has been stuck with a strong ‘negative’ semantic response that they HAD to respond to so that they now are no longer effected by it, they often tell me it is just like “a complete weight has come off my back and I am feel like I am free or can breath again’.

Making It Practical:

Test this out for yourself. Identify what are the top two “trigger words” that instantaneously “get you hot under the collar” and then use any one of the three NLP techniques below to break the bonds that you feel don’t serve you.

You can:

  • Collapse the negative anchor with a more powerful one and build a new belief system up that supports the new way of responding.
  • Get playful and challenge yourself to reframe 100 ways of how it could mean something else and help your brain realise you can choose any of a hundred OTHER ways to respond. Then condition that in by using the swish pattern and have someone deliberately try to “trigger your button”
  • Use the Meta-Model to challenge your internal dialogue around this phrase or word so that you re-map a new more enhancing meaning.

Whatever your choice, get leverage with yourself and then you can find very quickly and easily you can transform something that was a very limiting and unresourceful response.

 
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