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Disassociation Practice: How To Really Connect Well With Others

Walk along any street in an urban area and more often than not what you will see is people with their heads in their phones.


Disassociated from the world around them.


Disassociated from their bodies.


Disassociated from each other.


The process is so natural now that we don’t realize when we are not present to the moment anymore… or what it costs us.


And the costs can be immense.


At the extreme, it can lead to serious mental health problems and medication.

Unemployment, loss of career, relationships, and health.


Thankfully for most people consequences don’t get this acute, yet the costs are no less real. An inability to form deep relationships, a sense of feeling disengaged from your life or work, a sense that life is happening to you.


A prolonged feeling of discontent about your life but you can’t quite put your finger on what.


As students of NLP — when you are not present to the moment and to the people you interact with you are missing out on important signals.


Signals that can be transformative as a people helper (or anyone who wants to really enjoy their life.)


Signals that allow you to appear to be able to read other people’s minds.


Generate insights others have missed.


Make far better decisions.


So the question is:


Are you here?


Wherever you are right now, are you completely alert and present?


Fully in the now.


Stop reading this for a moment and place your attention into the space around you.


What do you see, hear, feel - that you hadn’t noticed?


Place your attention on your body, what do you notice that’s different from your awareness before?


Let your attention rest for a moment.


If you aren’t regularly present to yourself and your life (and most of us are not), build the habit of catching yourself when you are disassociated from your life…


One way is to figure out, what are some of your go-to ‘disassociation practices’?Write them down.


Once you identify them, which may take some time, ask yourself:


What’s one thing I could do to disrupt myself and bring my awareness and attention back to the present moment?


For example, let’s say you ‘check out’ when it comes to eating meals with your family.


You turn to your phone/tv/tablet for something to distract yourself as soon as you sit down.


Create a new pattern of practicing giving your full attention to those around you at mealtime.


When they talk, really listen.


As you eat, really taste your food.


Fully engage with your experience.


Try this out for a week and notice the difference it makes.


Apply it to other areas of your life where you ‘check out’.


As you develop an awareness of the places, people and contexts your mind uses to checkout and you switch things up - you unlock tremendous power to be more present.


And with that, the opportunity to really connect, add value and be of service to others.


Try it out.


Back in the 4th century, a brilliant poet wrote wise advice everyone should read to live more in the moment.


It’s so good I’m thinking of getting it framed and hung on my wall.


You can catch it here.

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I'm Tom.

Everyone has something they’d like to change in their life. I’m here to help you transform the behaviours that get in your way so you can have the life you really want.


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Look To This Day

-- The Ancient Sanskrit Poem --

Here’s a beautiful poem by an Indian poet Kalidasa who is believed to have wrote this in the 4th-5th century. It can teach us much about being present to the moment when you let it really sink in.

Look to this day, for it is life.

The very life of life.


In its brief course lie all the realities and truths of existence.


The joy of growth,the splendor of action, the glory of achievement.


For yesterday is but a memory.

And tomorrow is only a vision.


But today well lived makes every yesterday a memory of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope.


Look well, therefore, to this day.

Such is the salutation to the ever new dawn!

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